I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of home. The other day, I came to the realization that I've lived a slightly transient life, moving from place to place every year or two, sometimes picking a new city or state to experiment with, sometimes sharing with housemates like I am now, but mostly on my own. I've been back in Florida for almost eight years now, and I can't shake the feeling that it's past time for me to explore another city, state, or country.
So, I had some conflicting feelings about this recently. On one hand, I'm 36, shouldn't I be settled down with a 401(k) and a mortgage? After all, most of the people that I know who are my age are fairly settled. So I started thinking that I might want to buy a house, and I started researching houses in the area, and how exactly one goes about getting a mortgage. And then I started thinking about how permanent home ownership seems and how I'd have to be responsible in heretofore unexplored ways if I decided to buy an entire house.
On the other hand, maybe I'm as settled as I'll ever be, or maybe it's just not time for me to settle in one place yet. After all, life is really long, and 36 is...well, it's relatively young, right? Maybe I'm meant to be a lifelong renter, a person who can pull up roots whenever the lease is up and the mood strikes. Or maybe I need to invest in an (adorable, vintage, totally renovated) Airstream and just drive it all over the country. After all, I'm single. I don't have any kids. And Foxy is the type of dog who can travel with me almost anywhere.
I am truly at home in the world, and I know it's time to go someplace different for awhile. The funny thing is, this time I'm thinking about going home - and I mean home home, to the mountains of Hendersonville, North Carolina, the small town that I was born in and where I lived until I was eight years old. My dad, grandmother and several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins are there, and while I'm not really afraid of going where I don't know anyone, that's a comfort to me.
I'm torn, but I'm not torn. I've been drawn home to Hendersonville for a few years now. My heart has always been decidedly split between the ocean and the mountains, the seasons and the perpetual summer. Florida is paradise and I'm in love with it, the salt air and the palm trees and rainy days and the sand and the incredible sky. But when I'm ready to move again, I have the feeling that my feet will be planted in the mountains again, at least for a little while.
